The Plot Sickens

My friend Jill used to say that; I always liked it better than “thickens.”

More than a week ago I received from Netflix a DVD of Family Plot, Alfred Hitchcock’s final film. It was broken from one side to the center hole.

The replacement arrived in worse shape; it was broken into two discreet pieces. You can see a picture of it here.

Copy three arrived -- yes, broken!

Last night copy four was delivered. Finally, one arrived in good shape -- you think? Hell no, it was broken all the way through as well. I used my phone to video the moment; it’s pretty lousy artistically, but you can still share in the excitement. (Note: the god whose name is taken in vain is Apollo, not the one who dies on Friday).

WTF is going on?

When you let Netflix know online that a disc has arrived broken or otherwise unplayable, they send out a replacement disc immediately if that’s your wish. If you call them they inevitably blame the postal service. They will be glad to tell you about the two-step process that every disc goes through upon its return to one of their facilities. Obviously the problem occurred AFTER the disc left their warehouse.

Obviously.

Or not.

I am perfectly willing to believe that sloppy handling by the USPS causes broken discs. But FOUR in a row? Hmmm, seems unlikely. And four of the same disc?

Here’s the kicker: if you call Netflix about a problem disc they will send you a replacement AND very likely send you the next disc in your queue, as a courtesy. They did that twice for me in the last few days. In both cases the other disc arrived safe and sound in the very same delivery as another broken copy of Family Plot.

So I ask again: what the fuck is going on? I honestly don’t know, but at the risk of sounding paranoid, I think it’s sabotage. Somebody is destroying discs of Family Plot that are sent to me. Why? I have no idea. Don suggested maybe I had pissed off someone locally – maybe he was doing it once the discs arrived in my mailbox. But how would he -- she? -- know which ones were Family Plot? Maybe it’s a disgruntled Netflix employee, but the same question applies; why not other discs, why just the Hitchcock?

It is a mystery worthy of the master whose final movie I'm trying to watch. I can’t wait to see what arrives in tomorrow’s mail.