Blood brothers

I wrote about my emergence as a gay man in several posts when I first started this blog; see ComingOut, the Preamble; Coming Out, part 1 and Coming Out, part 2. I’ve been thinking recently though about some of the pre-gay events in my life, or, if you will, the shoulda-seen-it-coming road signs.

The very first I remember happened in Atlanta; I was a sophomore at a downtown high school and was exposed to things I had never seen in Richmond, Virginia, or on Army bases in Japan. One such thing we called a “dirty book store” at the time; today, they’re porn shops. I walked into one and was stunned by what I saw; even more stunned by what I reacted to: the photo books of nearly naked men. I beat a hasty and guilty retreat, thinking about my next confession.

A more nuanced marker was my relationships with my male friends, especially during my last two years of high school. I was back in Richmond and had reunited with my boyhood friend Ricky. I was also enthralled with a somewhat older man (6 years), Don. I used to agonize about which one was really my “best” friend. Even readers who don’t know me well must recognize that as a sure sign of some kind of homoerotic feelings. The average straight 17 year-old doesn’t spend a lot of time ranking his male friends.

Even clearer, with hindsight, was my relationship with Artie. We were only close during senior year, but the intensity of my feelings is still clear to me. If memory serves, Artie was the senior class president; he was definitely a BMOC (Big Man on Campus) and I knew I had “arrived” when it was clear that we were friends.

But Artie was a typical straight boy (as far as I know; readers looking for a salacious denouement will be disappointed). Sure, I was his friend, but I doubt it was something he gave a lot of thought to. I on the other hand, thought of little else. There was no sexual desire at work, or, if there was, I was not aware of it; I just wanted to be close to him.

I wanted it so bad that I was really happy when Artie agreed to double date with me to the prom. I took my steady girlfriend, Tina; I don't remember who he was with. I only remember one thing about that night: at some point in the evening the four of us came to my house – my parents’ house I should say. Leaving the girls in the den, Artie and I went up to my room where we became blood brothers. (Do people even know what that is anymore? We each nicked a finger and then brought them together, sharing our blood -- a guy thing that surely disappeared with the advent of AIDS).

I don’t know what Artie thought of all this, but I’m sure that it was a way bigger deal to me than it was to him. Still, he went through with it. Of course we were both silent about what we had done when we re-joined the girls.

Looking back, the homosexual subtext is clear, even if there was no carnality to it. Within a year I had lost touch with Artie and to this day I have no idea where he is, or what he did with his life, but the memory of that intense friendship stays with me.

At the time Artie was very fond of Percy Sledge’s When a Man Loves a Woman. I too liked it, and still do – but I always hated the line “(he’d) turn his back on his best friend if he put her down.” I knew, even if Artie didn’t agree, that best friends were far more important than love interests.

I've always thought Richard Gere would be a good choice to play me in a movie!