Changing

I wrote yesterday about wanting to change, about wanting to be less a curmudgeon and more happy. I know it's possible, and I know I have tools in hand to make it happen, but 63 years of living on this planet have taught me that change is one of the very hardest things we ever attempt. So hard in fact that most of us don't even try.

When politicians change an opinion they're accused of "waffling." Think about what that means. If you study an issue and learn the facts and come to realize that you were wrong to believe what you did and so change your opinion based on what you've learned, you are said to flip-flop on the issue. That's ludicrous. Research should, at least some of the time, cause us to change our opinions. We can't possibly know everything, but by studying a subject we can learn enough to have an educated opinion. That new knowledge should, according to the law of averages, change our opinions at least some of the time.

Instead, societal pressure supports our natural disposition to not change. So we don't.  We do what we've done because we've always done it. Inertia is a strong force and it can keep us from changing for our entire life.

But I can change; my current state proves that. I wasn't always morbidly depressed; I haven't always celebrated holidays with my husband only; I didn't always go to concerts or operas alone; I haven't always cringed at the idea of 24 family members gathered round a holiday table. People used to describe me as fun.

I need to find my way back to that. Life sucks, it's full of pain and injustice and then you die. Yeah, ok, but why not enjoy the ride? Really. Why not?