Don't drop the soap

You've probably heard about Martin Shkreli, the pharmaceutical whiz kid who reaps profits by raping consumers, or their bank accounts at least. As the New York Times reported, Shkreli’s company, Turing Pharmaceuticals, recently acquired the rights to Daraprim, used to treat malaria and various infections — and on the List of Essential Medicines published by the World Health Organization. Overnight they raised the price from $13.50 a pill to $750 each.

Pause. Scratch eyes. Read again.

Today Shrkreli was arrested by the feds on securities fraud charges from his time with MSMB Capital Management and Retrophin.

He may well already be out on bail — no doubt he has highly paid lawyers on speed dial — but I’m going to revel for a moment in the thought of this vaguely cute small man locked in a jail cell with other career criminals, many of them much bigger and hornier than he.

As above, my advice when you're in the prison shower: don’t drop the soap, or you'll run the risk of learning what it's like to be screwed by the man.

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I haven't written in weeks because the news, from Paris to San Bernardino to the Republican halls of power, has shut my smartass voice down. But I couldn't resist the chance to make fun of this selfish money maker. I'll be back soon I'm sure.