Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words

I’m a huge fan of This American Life on NPR. I subscribe to the podcast; every show is automatically downloaded so I may listen to it at my leisure. Episode 457, What I Did For Love, aired 10 Feb 2012.

Kurt Braunohler and his girlfriend were together for thirteen years, having met on their third day of college. After turning thirty, Kurt wondered why they had never considered marriage. They had a conversation that led to them deciding to take a break and see other people for thirty days. A month became two, then three and, as you might guess, they then separated.

I was intrigued by Kurt’s description of the dates he went on during those three months. Because he had been coupled since he was seventeen, his dating skills were those of an adolescent. Add to that the fact that he’s a heart-on-his-sleeve kind of guy and he found himself wanting to say I love you on the first date and planning a future together on the second.

I was intrigued. I was also remembering my own experiences; they were much like his.

I got together with my first boyfriend, Sandy Adams (right), on January 10, 1972. A year later we celebrated with a party -- and I bought a wedding cake! A year after that we broke up, but I still wanted to be married and so hooked up with my next boyfriend within weeks. From then until 1986, when I moved to New York to be with Ransom, I was either in a relationship or trying to be in one.

I know I scared away possible mates by pushing too hard and rushing too fast. I don’t know that I said I love you on the first date, but I don’t know that I didn’t. And without doubt I was picking china patterns – in my head at least – after the first week.

I spent almost twenty years in the restaurant business, but I don’t really think of that as a career. I fell into it, liked it and so stayed a while. But it wasn’t a career with defined goals. My real goal has always been to be married, to be happy and to live with my husband for the rest of my life. Some of that springs from my insecurities but mostly it speaks to who I am and who I am not. I am a caregiver, I am a supporter, I am a comforter. I am not an over-achiever, I am not driven to succeed in business, I am not motivated by power or glory.

Unlike Kurt I sowed all the oats that needed sowing when I was younger. I don’t need to test the waters to see what I’m missing. I KNOW what I’m missing, and am happily rid of it.

This American Life is sometimes my American life. Check it out.